I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
