wrigley field is MILF paradise
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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