btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
