Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
