The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
