had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
