Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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