As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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