Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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