...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
