There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
worst night to have a conscience
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
