Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
