So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
