How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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