we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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