just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
