Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
