What a fucking waste of an outfit
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
