all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Be still, my beating vagina.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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