You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
