my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i think my cat just said my name.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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