Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
