At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
