i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
