Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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