I love black thongs
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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