I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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