um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
