She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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