she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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