He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
