you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
