When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
