Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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