just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
