i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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