On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
