Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
