she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
