Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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