my sisters under your porch take her home
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
