so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
