Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
