I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
