I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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