Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
