Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
