Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
