im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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