Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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