We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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