i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
