Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
