she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
