IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
