I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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