he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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