So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
