she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is wine microwaveable?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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