he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
