I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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