You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
