I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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