whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
