He kissed a someone with a penis
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
God, I missed his penis.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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