Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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