I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
