I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
