I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
