at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
