I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
