OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
