So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont even know how to be here
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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