i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
