Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
