I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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