i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
