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Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Randomize
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