I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..