he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night