Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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