ADVERTISEMENT

• (949): View more from California

  I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden

  Fav 9 1947 920

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

  Fav 33 3377 1040

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (317): View more from Indiana

  I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect

  Fav 13 1313 2554

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

  Fav 33 5696 1345

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (587): View more from Alberta

  Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?

  Fav 11 1699 1977

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....

  Fav 4 1530 834

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.

  Fav 4 1199 690

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"

  Fav 11 1551 1031

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."

  Fav 4 2204 896

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.

  Fav 3 1119 675

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."

  Fav 1 1144 630

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245

  Fav 5 566 518

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good

  Fav 1 799 522

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?

  Fav 3 633 400

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.

  Fav 1 272 165

  share tweet
  

Randomize