Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
