I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
