The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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