She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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