I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
