I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
