Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
