uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
