I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
